make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
