How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
