i think my tv is drunk
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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