I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
