She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
