Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
