i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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