bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
