no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize