If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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