Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just saw a hot homeless man
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
