i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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