Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
