She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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