i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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