How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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