so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize