THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
