the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
