I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
