So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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