Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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