thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
