you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize