haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
