i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
