hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
