; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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