Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize