im so drunk with asians
where?
always
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
