good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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