I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
