sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
