Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
