i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
