MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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