Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
