This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
