The beer is more important than you right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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