So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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