Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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