i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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