Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
