So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
