I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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