Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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