why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
