you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
