Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
