nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
