just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
