god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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