You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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