I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
