Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize