it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
