I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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