I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
