i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
