My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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