what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
