So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize