Your mouth is God's brothel.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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