your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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