but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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