I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize