So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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