haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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