We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
