Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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