Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
