I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize