your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
