Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
