I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
