for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
