Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
