I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
