When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
