So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
