I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
