I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
