***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
