Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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