ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
