Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
