He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I didn't notice because vodka
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
