Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
