i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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