So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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