Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
