i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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