Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
