Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We named our party play list daddy issues
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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