And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
