That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize