The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
