no, he came in my armpit
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
