Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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