we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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