this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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