did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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